Sunday, March 20, 2011

2005, RIGHT HIP OPERATION

This is what happened during the first hip operation in 2005.
I think I had a secret death-wish; I wanted to join my Poopsie and get on with the next phase of existence.
I was told a multitude of times that my heart was in a very weakened condition and that there was a very real chance that I would not come through the operation.  I ignored all that and went ahead with it anyway.  I didn't tell my family what the doctors and technicians were saying.

I had my right hip replaced in April of 2005.  The docs thought my heart was too weak that time, too.  They kept telling me that there were no guarantees that I would wake up after being put under.  I didn’t feel that there would be any problem
They warned me again as they were administering a sedative before going into surgery.
Ø      This is how the rest of the tale shaped up.
Ø      I was on a stretcher outside of the operating room waiting.  I thought about what they had said.  I talked to the Creator.  “Creator, I don’t think they expect me to live through this operation.  I feel that all will be okay, but just in case they are right and I am wrong   I think you should let me die while I’m out here, than no one would have a guilty conscience about allowing me to die on their shift.  I’m ready to die now Creator.”
Ø      The Creator refused me entrance into the next stage of existence.
Ø      All those associated with the surgery were in the operating room discussing my best options.  The head nurse was sitting beside me.  She asked if I had any concerns.  I thought about it.  Then I related the tales I’d heard about patients coming through their operations with flying colors only to be struck down a week or two later with major infections, or something similar.  In all cases it was discovered that those who had carried out the operation had left something foreign inside the patient, causing the infection.  I said I wanted everything to be used in the operation counted before and after the completion of the surgery.  She pointed at a couple of nurses off to the side and said, “Listen.”  The nurses were dutifully counting all implements to be used.  I felt much better.
Ø      The doc and the guy administering the stuff for pain came over and told me that because of the condition of my heart they thought they should use a spinal tap.  They asked my opinion.  I told them that I’d never heard anything good about spinal taps.  We decided on a spinal tap after much discussion.
Ø      I was still sitting on the stretcher-like bench when it was administered.
Ø      My right hip had caused me to drag it around, but it was nearly pain-free.
Ø      That first needle nearly floored me it hurt so badly, and I can handle a lot of pain.
Ø      I nearly passed out.  I’d closed my eyes trying to gain control over myself.
Ø      I opened my eyes and standing about four feet in front of me was a man about 5 ft. 6  or 8 ins. Tall.  He was dressed in a tan colored  poncho with a hood.  He glided right up in front of me and the pain left.
Ø      I thought they said B.C. Medical was having serious financial problems and here they have a sensitive in the operating room.   I recall feeling very well looked after.
Ø      I leaned my head towards him and the pain left.  You big wimp.  You can do better than that.   I pulled my head back and sat up straight again.  He glided back to his original position.
Ø      The doctor gave me another prick with a needle and the pain was tremendous.  I recall letting my breath out very loudly.  The man in the poncho glided forward again, and as I leaned towards him the pain diminished.  Again I withdrew – thinking that I was being a cry baby.  I was ashamed of myself.  I sat up as straight as I could again, and he withdrew.
Ø      The doctor gave me another poke and it hurt so much I leaned towards the poncho ed form.  He came forward and I leaned my head right into his chest.  It seemed like my head just kept going forward until I knew no pain.  Each time he’d came close, he said without speaking,  that it was alright to release my pain to him.  He would look after me.  After that I have no knowledge of what transpired.
Ø      The second day of recovery one of the nurses came and asked me who I was talking to in the operating room.  I told her that I was talking to the sensitive.
Ø      She asked, “What’s a sensitive?”
Ø      To which I answered, “Why, the person B.C. Med sent in to absorb pain.”
Ø      She said there was no such person.  So I told her the same thing I have just written above and she said that it had sounded like I was having a conversation with someone.  She said that after I spoke, I stopped to listen to someone answering.
Ø      I still thought it was a sensitive on the B.C. Med’s payroll until my friend, Lynna came to visit and I related the same tale to her.  She said, ‘B.C. Med would never have sense enough to have a sensitive on payroll.  It sounds to me like it was a spirit  looking out for you.
Ø      After I gave it much thought, I had to agree.  I guess I didn’t think I was important enough for the Creator to send one of his helpers to look out for me.  Thank you, Creator.
So, you understand why so many people were concerned about my having this  second operation.
I had put-it-on-the-wind, which is my way of commuting with the Creator when I need a real solid answer.
This second hip was painful all the time, until I went to a Chinese acupuncture person and she made the pain go away.  I also worked with a Japanese acupuncture and moxie bustion doctor who performed marvels for me.  They strengthened my heart and I lived without pain for four months.  I began to think I didn't need to have the surgery.  That's when I put-it-on-the-wind.  I asked that the Creator let me know in no uncertain terms whether I should undergo the surgery. I even gave a deadline for the answer which was February 21, 2011. One should never ask for something unless they are prepared to live with the outcome.  Pain -  like I have never experienced before hammered at my body, even my head and my eyes ached.  It was horrible, but I knew that I was supposed to have the operation and I had no doubts about it.  I knew I would live through it. I had the operation on March 9,2011.
During this operation there were no spirits to help of guide me (at least none that I could see).
Holly Ann stayed with me until it was time to be moved to the operating room.  It took from 9:30 AM to 12:30 PM for everything to be brought up to operation standards.
When we were finally in the operating room preparing for the surgery the man handling the medication made reference to the first operation and the difficulty they had in administering the spinal tap.  He asked how I felt about it and I told him that I would work with him and it would be alright.  There were about 6 people in the operating room.  The doctor said we were ready.  I said, "Except for one last thing.  I talked to the Creator about this operation and that's why I am here.  I want to speak to him before we begin."   One of the technicians said, "Oh, Mrs. Higgins don't be afraid, you're in good hands."  I answered.  "I know that.  I just want to acknowledge the Creator and thank him for having all the right people here in this room at this moment."  They made a loose circle around me and I made my prayer and felt much better for it.
MEANWHILE
Down at the entrance of the hospital Holly Ann is trying to get permission to sing the Woman's Warrior Song for me.  They wouldn't allow it.  One of the Volunteers, an East Indian man we've come to recognize over the years was appalled.  He said something like this, Oh, this is bad!  Her mama, who is a Coast Salish Elder is having an operation and they won't allow her to sing for her.  This is their land.  It's not right.  He went off to the Administrator and came back with him.  We don't know what he said, but they allowed Holly Ann to sing the Woman's Warrior Song to give me strength and hope.
So, you see, it takes many people working in all kinds of places to make the right sort of things happen. I know the heavens were bombarded with the prayers and white light that was offered on my behalf.  I am humbled.   I believe the Creator was pleased with the outcome of that day.  What do you think?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

HOPE, HEALING, HURT, TEARS of HUMBLENESS, FAITH + ACCEPTANCE

I'm sitting at my computer with no real idea about what I shall write. I just know that I must write.  My heart is filled to over-flowing . My  tears - dripping from  my chin.  A huge feeling of humbleness and thanks giving seems to come welling up from the core of my being. I am so blessed to have such a family and nuclear family that make up my life.  I don't know how anybody could survive without such a back-up system.

I'm going to write about the things that have been happening over the past couple of weeks.  As you know, I was scheduled to have surgery on my left hip on April 8, 2010, but the  internal specialist cancelled my operation date because (in his view) my heart was too weak and I probably wouldn't live through the surgery.  I told him that he didn't know me, but he wouldn't be swayed.  So, I waited another year, dragging myself around with chronic pain that lasted 24X7 and didn't know how to let up.  After awhile your brain begins to shut down, even though you aren't really aware of it until the pain has subsided. As it has now.

AS USUAL, when I tell you about something there are always previous happenings that lead up to it.
I will try to take it easy on you and make my posts a little shorter.  Of course, there may be more of them to read.  Sorry.

I've  already told you about my Poopsie crossing over The River of Hope that  the Creator has set out for the Sheshalh people.  The promise is that "The last campfire shall not be extinguished nor will the wind cease to give breath to the earth, until the last Sheshalh person has joined the ancestors beside the campfire of their father.
To try to absolve the pain of loss I was looking around for a way to skirt it or circumvent it. I didn't want to face it, to admit that my Poopsie was gone from this life.  I was like an ostrich burying its head in the sand -attempting to deny what was.   I know now that that was a cowardly thing to do.  But I had to learn the lesson for myself.
  • In 2005, I was sitting at my computer and thinking about acting of all things. 
  • My phone rang and it was Lynna.  She asked what I was up to . . .
  •  Short version - 'I was thinking about trying acting.' 
  • She wanted to know where that had come from.  "Just thought I'd like to give it a try.  Can't be too hard.  We're all acting ever day of our lives."
  • She warned me that it wouldn't be easy because Vancouver was really busy  with movies, etc.  She said that I would need an Agent. No one would consider me without one and agents were at a premium.
  • Hmmmmh? I said, "I'll put it on the Wind."  She figured it would take weeks or even months.
  • Not even one week later she called and said I now had an agent.  She was totally surprised, but I figured it was because there weren't too many 72 year old Coast Salish Indian woman out there looking for an opportunity.  (?)  Who knows, right?
  • She got me an interview to show them how I could do my stuff. Smile.
  • Long story short.  The play was about a whole lot of young women that had been murdered.  Most were young, beautiful and and some  were hookers.
  • I went for my interview and this is what took place.
  • I stepped into a dimly lit room that had a place to stand with a coach behind me.  Quite a number of bright lights focused on me, There was some guy sitting off to the left in the shadows and about 8 or 9 other individuals sitting in the semi-darkness. 
  • They were the panel that were going to rate my performance.
  • I peered into the darkness attempting to make eye-contact with each one.
  • The guy on the left said, "I note from your resume' that you have never  acted in a movie before?" 
  • I told him I was an instructor and had 'put on' many plays so I didn't think it would be too difficult.
  • He cast a quick  glance at the people in the shadows and they sort of tittered at my audacity.
  • He said, "What made you want to try out for this particular play?"
  • Awww, hell.  I may as well throw caution to the wind.  In reality, I  was there to try out for the part of an elderly Indian woman, a real grandma type.
  • I answered, "Well, I've never had the opportunity to play the part of a prostitute before and I thought it was a challenge I'd like to try."  I didn't crack a smile.  I looked right at him and then slowly rotated to take the whole panel into the picture. 
  • He was shocked out of his socks.  They all were.  They expected me to talk about the grandma role.
  • They made a quick decision and ran me through the lines of my script.  It went pretty darn good, I think they were impressed.
  • He said that they'd let me know within the week about the part.
  • I left and went to find Holly Ann.  We got a coffee and were still sitting there drinking it when they delivered a message stating that the part was mine.  I signed contracts and we did the play over the next two or three months.  My part was very small.
  • The beautiful young actresses would come over to me after they had done their acting parts and apologize for the language they used.  They usually said something like, "I'm really not like that and I don't use that sort of language. Please don't think badly of me."
  • They cared about what I may think of them, so I guess I fulfilled the grandma role.
  • I didn't get to Vancouver when the movie was debuting because of my hip.  I have never even seen the movie, although others on Band Lands have.  They said it was okay. Actually, I was surprised when they came by to tell me they'd seen the movie and that I'd done a good job.  I had never told anyone about that episode of my life.  I figured that just Holly Ann's family and Lynna's family knew about it.
  •   The bottom line is -  I realized that I was trying to avoid Life.  One can not do that forever.  One has to stop and face what ever is gaining on them, look it directly in the eye, boot it in the butt and send it on its way.  

Friday, March 4, 2011

"I LOVE YOU CHILD"

Whom is this post for?  Why, you, of course.

I just read an email from a dear friend, and it prompted me to write this post.

  • Sometimes, through no fault of their own, a  grandparent, a parent, a spouse, or a child become victims of some mind altering disease or injury.  This doesn't/didn't happen  because they are bad people, because they're not. 
  •  Sometimes it could be from the way they were forced to live in the dirty thirties or some other equally horrid era of their  past. 
  • They are,  in fact,  casualties, and they deserve our love and understanding.
  •  Sometimes we feel as though we could strangle them for their thoughtless, hurtful words and actions. Just remember, it really isn't them speaking or acting out in such a hurtful way.
  •  BUT . . . if we try to put ourselves into the circumstances that formed them, we will truly begin to understand that many of the older people lived from hand-to-mouth on whatever they could scrounge for food. 
  • Anything to fill their stomachs to keep them alive for their children's sake. 
  • They probably gave the best of whatever they had to their growing children
  •  And now, many years later, Time is catching up on them, and those dietary lacks, etc. are forcing their body to act in a way they would never consciously have chosen.
  • This fate didn't happen to me, and I thank the Creator for that, but I want all of you who have a similar version of this in their family to read the following words and imagine that it is the one you love speaking to you.

  • "My child, life has been a long, hard journey at times, but I want you to know that regardless of how tough the times were long ago, I would NEVER change them if it meant that you were not born.  You are my gift to the World.  Remember that, because even with my illness I know that somewhere deep inside of myself I am holding onto that thought.  I love you.  Please take the time to love yourself and the rest of our nuclear family."
  • I hope you don't think I am presumptuous for having written this, but if I were one of the people trapped in that state of affairs, I would be ever so grateful if someone would speak words of encouragement  to those I love on my behalf.
For this post, I will sign the name the Spirits know me by, Xwu'p'a'lich

PS  Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there reading my posts.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

LIFE'S LESSONS #2

I couldn't finish my blog yesterday because emotions were running very strong.  I don't usually go around bragging about myself or my family, but I feel that I must acknowledge just how wonderful I think they are.  Holly Ann and Robert have been on the Red Road for only a short span of time.  Perhaps one or two years.  Both of them are acceptable drummers and they both have wonderful  singing voices.  Neither one of them is afraid to speak or sing in public which I think is great.
When they went to visit the young man yesterday they brought their drums with them with the intention of using them to bring joy to all those who were heavy hearted.  They sang for the family  at the hospital.  Then they went to the home of one of the people and cleansed it with sage from top to bottom.  Holly Ann walked through the house, using a feather to   fan the sacred smoke in all directions, while Robert followed behind singing good words to the Creator and the spirits.

When they left the house they placed a box that we prepare with everything for a personal altar.  As I think about it now,  the only thing I forgot to put in the box was directions on how to use it.   I guess I took it for granted that every body in the world knew how to use it.  When they were waiting in line for the ferry at Horseshoe Bay, the phone rang and it was Rocky calling to thank them for cleansing her house. Then she asked about the box with the altar pieces in it.  Holly Ann proceeded to explain how they were used, etc.  Robert was prompting from the background so she passed the phone to him and told him to continue.  He didn't miss a beat.  He proceeded to walk his friend through the steps.  When Holly Ann told me about all they had done I was so proud that I nearly popped a button on my shirt.  Smile.  I just thought everyone should know about this because they are learning to do important, needed work that helps settle people's spirit.  Thank you family, I'm proud of you.